At the weekend, my son was playing football. He jumped up to clear the ball and fell to the ground in agony. He cried that his spine was hurting him. The coach and I were afraid to move him at first but eventually he consented to being hauled to his feet. To be on the safe side, I decided to take him to the hospital. By the time, we got to the hospital, my son was moving his head freely and I knew that he was not paralysed. While we were waiting to be seen, a man came in, hugging his left arm closely to his body. He ‘ouched’ and ‘oohed’ his way to the reception area. Although he talked loudly, I could not hear the nature of his complaint but very suddenly he roared to the receptionist, “It’s shite, just shite”. I tut tutted at the man’s profanity and then we were called into the doctor. The doctor reckoned that my son had no serious damage but to be on the safe side, she sent us upstairs for an x-ray. Upstairs we shared a couch with a Chinese man who was reading a newspaper. The lift doors opened and the man stepped out and took a seat to the right of the Chinese man. I said, “I have to ask, what happened to you?” The man, who turned out to be Scottish, told me that he was on his motorbike when he had gone around a corner, hit a wet patch and crashed to the ground on his left shoulder. He went on to say, “I’ve broken my leg three times but it is nothing compared to the agony I’m experiencing now and I’ve been on a boat where the boom has smashed into my face and I lost seven of my teeth but that is nothing to this pain.” The Chinese man hiding behind the newspaper giggled. The Scots man looked at him and said, “Do you not find that when you wear glasses, the rain gets on the lens and it is difficult to see.” The Chinese man rallied himself and said, “You can always wear contacts.” “Oh, I can’t,” said the Scotsman, “my eyes are that sensitive, it is agony for me to put anything near them.” At that moment, a nurse appeared holding a file and called out, “Robert Shite? We’re ready for you now.”

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